Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Confessions and Clarifications

Pablo Picasso's Weeping Woman
Someone recently said to me (and I’m paraphrasing):

"I feel sorry for you and your children. You seem so happy, but really you’re weeping inside."

Now that I’ve had some time to think about this and process it, I want to address their concern here, because if it’s my blog that’s made this person come to such a conclusion, obviously I need to clarify. 

By no means do I write here with the intention or hope that anyone should feel sorry for me.

Confession: I write a lot about my own self-doubt and fear. While I don’t sit down to write with the objective of being negative, I’m not always the most positive person in the world. I use examples from my own life to illustrate points that teeter between black and white, pretty and ugly, inane and intelligent.

Clarification: I do this because –

1. Posting and sharing here is cathartic. Point blank: it just feels good.

2. While I’m writing and hashing and rewriting my first novel, I’m using this blog to flesh out some sort of answer to my own question from my “New Start.” Pamela Redmond Satran and Sally O’Reilly are the only published authors who have directly answered my writing questions thus far (and huge thanks to them). So for the most part I’m doing a lot of my own footwork in rummaging around to find answers. I’m also trying a handful of my own tricks, some of which fly and are colossal successes, and some that aren’t.

Now if I’m garnering all this valuable information, why would I hoard it up for only myself?

Especially since I know there are a huge number of people out there who are in a similar situation – trying desperately to create (books, art, music, school, work, etc) despite their baggage from the past, and the challenges going on constantly in their present – so hopefully something in the information I post here triggers a thought, or helps people push through those rough spots, or makes them laugh. And hopefully it gets them one step closer to accomplishing what they want to do.

3. None of this is in my comfort zone, but somehow admitting it makes it a little more okay. Brene Brown discusses this beautifully here:

Link to video
Now. That being said. I’m not suggesting I own my vulnerability especially well, but I’m trying. It’s all a process. Hopefully sharing my process helps you somehow feel more empowered and enabled in yours.  

So while I appreciate concern for any inner-weeping going on in my life (since I feel that good-energy is always good and I'd rather assume this person's concern is good instead of bad), I very much hope you walk away from reading my blog with more. I hope instead that you feel more comfortable in your own skin, in your own dreams, because by writing and making connections here, I am learning to become more so in mine.

Total pages logged as of today: Wait for it, wait for it...I'll update this on Thursday.

Moment of Magic today:

Speaking of weeping... *sigh* I love this song. Love the stamping.


  1. I find your blog very up lifting when I read it. Sorry I don't read it everyday. I think that most people who read your blog undestand that it is just another way of telling the story about writing your first novel. I think expressing yourself through writing is wonderful and you are very talented at it.

  2. Heth -- Please. Don't worry about reading it everyday, and/or apologizing for not. I'm not even writing everyday, so.

    You get the blog, and me, and why I'm writing, and then you comment about it. All this is huge, to me. Thanks for your continued support, and your ever-listening ear.

  3. I enjoy your blog... perhaps this commenter is crying inside and saw his/her own reflection? Lovely post!

    1. Ah Shasta. I enjoy your comments. Thanks for coming to read and lift my spirits.


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